The Big Brag
by Mex-chick
Summary: Inuyasha and Kouga brag. Shippou gives them a (metamorphical) slap in the face. Brought to you by Dr. Seuss, so prepare to laugh! (One-Shot)


Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or Dr. Seuss's The Big Brag (where I got this idea from). 99 percent of these wonderful rhymes belong to the doc.

I got this idea when I noticed how much Inuyasha and Kouga love to brag and argue. Then I found my sister's book titled The Big Brag. Indeed, this is a one-shot. This is to my little sister and to all who loved Dr. Seuss's stories when they were brats. And to those who like his stories still.

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**The Big Brag**

Inuyasha felt mighty important that day  
On top of the hill in the sun where he lay  
He felt SO important on top of that hill  
That he started in bragging, as male demons will,  
And he boasted out loud, as he threw out his chest,  
"Of all of the beasts in the world, I'm the best!  
On land, and on sea...even up in the sky  
No demon lives who is better than I!"

"What's _that?_" growled a voice that was terribly gruff.  
"Now why do you say such ridiculous stuff?"  
The demon looked down and he saw Kouga-kun.  
"_I'm_ best of the beasts," said Kouga, "Are you dumb?"

"You're not!" snapped Inuyasha. "I'm better than you!"  
"Pooh!" Kouga snorted. "Again I say Pooh!  
You talk mighty big, Inuyasha. That's true.  
But how can you prove it? **Just what can you DO?"  
**

"Hmmmm..." thought the dog demon,  
"Now what CAN I do...?"  
He thought and he thought. Then he finally said,  
"Wolf cub, do you see these two ears on my head?"  
My ears are so keen and so sharp and so fine  
No ears in the world can hear further than mine!"

"Humpf!" the wolf grunted. He looked at each ear.  
"You _say_ they are good," said the wolf with a sneer,  
"But how do _I_ know just how far they can hear?"

"I'll prove," said the dog, "my ears are the best.  
You sit there and watch me. I'll prove it by test."  
Then he stiffened his ears till they both stood up high  
And pointed straight up at the blue of the sky.  
He stretched his ears open as wide as he could.  
"_Shut up!_ I am listening!" he said as he stood.  
He listened so hard that he started to sweat  
And the fur on his ears and his white hair got wet.

For seven long minutes he stood. Then he stirred  
And he said to the wolf, "Do you know what I heard?  
Do you see that far mountain...? It's ninety miles off.  
There's a flea on that mountain. I just heard him cough!  
Now the cough of a flea, fool, is quite hard to hear  
When he's ninety miles off. But I heard it quite clear.  
So you see," bragged the dog, "it's perfectly true  
That my ears are the best, so I'm better than you!"

The wolf, for a moment, just sulked as he sat  
For he knew that _his_ ears couldn't hear things like _that_.  
"This dog-turd," he thought, "made a fool out of me.  
Now _I've_ got to prove that I'm better than he."  
So he said to the dog, "You hear pretty well.  
You can hear ninety miles. _But how far can you smell?  
_I'm the greatest of smellers," he bragged. "See my nose?  
This nose on my face is the finest that grows.  
My nose can smell _any_thing, both far and near.  
With my nose I can smell twice as far as you hear!"

"You can't!" barked the dog.  
"I can!" growled the wolf.  
And he stuck up his nose  
As the dog demon looked.

He wiggled that nose and he sniffed and he snuffed.  
He waggled that nose and he whiffed and he whuffed.  
For more than ten minutes he snaff and he snuff.  
Then he said to the hanyou, "I've smelled far enough."  
"All right," said the dog. "Come on now and tell  
Exactly how far is the smell that you smell?"

"Oh, I'm smelling a _very_ far smell," said the wolf.  
"Away past that flea on that mountain I snuff.  
I'm smelling past many great mountains beyond  
Six hundred miles more to the edge of a pond."  
"And 'way, 'way out there, by the pond you can't see,  
Is a very small hut. By the hut is a tree.  
On the tree is a branch. On the branch is a nest,  
A very small nest where two tiny eggs rest.  
Two hummingbird eggs! Only half an inch long!  
But my nose," said the wolf, "is so wonderfully strong,  
My nose is so good that I smelled without fail  
_That the egg on the left is a little bit stale!  
_And _that_ is a thing that no half-breed can do.  
So you see," the wolf boasted, "I'm, better than you!  
My smeller's so keen that it just can't be beat..."

"**What's that?"** called a voice  
From 'way down by his feet.  
The wolf and the dog looked down at the sound,  
And they saw Shippou-chan sitting still on the ground.

"Now, guys" said the fox, "you've been bragging a lot.  
You both think you're great. But _I_ think you are not.  
You're not half as good as a fellow like me.  
You hear and you smell. _But how far can you SEE?  
_Now, _I'm_ here to prove to you big boasting guys  
_That your nose and your eras aren't as good as my eyes!_"

And the little kitsune cocked his head to one side  
And he opened his eyes and he opened them wide.  
And they looked far away with a strange sort of stare.  
As if they were burning two holes in the air.  
The eyes of that fox almost popped from his head.  
He stared half an hour till his eyelids got red.  
"That's enough!" growled the wolf.  
"Tell the dog-turd and me  
How far did you look and just what did you see?"

"Well, guys," the fox answered, "that look that I took  
Was a look that looked farther than _you'll_ ever look!  
I looked 'cross the ocean, 'way out past this land.  
For I can see farther than anyone can.  
There's no one on earth who has eyesight that's finer.  
I looked past this land. Then I looked across China.  
I looked across Egypt; then took a quick glance  
Across the two countries of Holland and France.  
Then I looked across England and, also, Brazil.  
But I didn't stop there. I looked much farther still.

"And I kept right on looking and looking until  
_I'd looked 'round the world and right back to this hill!  
__And I saw on this hill, since my eyesight's so keen,  
__The two biggest fools that have ever been seen!  
__And the fools that I saw were none other than you,  
__Who seem to have nothing else better to do  
__Than sit here and argue who's better than who!"  
_

Then the little kitsune gave his head a small jerk  
And he ran to the woods and went back to his work.

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I hope you enjoyed that! Now review please! 

Adios!


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